Memories

Where to begin? I guess I'll start w/ just a few of the memories I have w/ my father. After all, I am trying to get all my daily thoughts out to relieve the pain that remains in my heart.

I think it was pretty clear in my first blog how I felt about my father. In my mind, there was no better. Of course he wasn't a saint. He had many flaws just like all parents do. I think the thing that set him apart from many dads out there, was the fact that he truly enjoyed spending time w/ us. He didn't do it because he felt like that's what he needed to do. He did it because we were his life. I am fully convinced that everything my dad did in his life was for us.

I can remember countless times him being outside in the yard w/ us. Playing ball and doing just whatever. He'd get out in the yard and do flips to impress us. Daddy was always know for being really athletic. He was the star football player during his high school years at Emma Sansom, and he was known to several for being the only white guy they knew that could dunk a basketball. He loved getting on the trampoline and showing off his skills for us. And of course, at that age, we couldn't do anything like that so we were blown away. He loved that we doted on him.

I can remember being so young, (so young my parents were still married) and riding with him many of times in his old Dodge truck. The ugliest truck ever. Even back then....it was pitiful. I didn't care though. I would stand right beside him as he would drive down the road and twirl his hair. There was no place I'd rather of been either. I can specifically remember a few songs he would always sing to me when I was little girl: Don't worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin, Fishin' in the Dark by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, and Na Na Na Na.....Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye! To this day when I hear any of those songs, I immediately feel warm inside.

Daddy had a love for life. He loved getting out and doing things. When I was little he would take me mud riding, fishing, etc.. He always wanted to take me frog gigging, but I wasn't up to that considering it would be late at night, and dealing w/ frogs. That's scary for a little girl. He loved to go camping, and he would often set his massive tent up in his own backyard for us. We thought that was the coolest thing ever. The tent was huge. It looked like a tent that came from the military; it had different sections in it. Back then, to us, it was awesome. We thought we were THE coolest kids on the block. We were. Not because of the tent, but because nobody else had a daddy like ours.

Daddy got us every other weekend, and then we would stay w/ him for weeks at a time during the summers. Every summer, he would always take us to the Braves game, the beach, just wherever really. He'd always take us to Six Flags and that was one trip I never looked forward to. Why? Because I was scared to ride any of the rides. I would stand there, while him and Candyce would ride on those rides, and I hated every second of it. I hated it because Candyce was stealing my daddy's attention. She knew what she was doing. She'd be like "Oh! I'll ride it, daddy!"....I despised that. It drove me crazy for anybody to have his attention other than me. I was like this till the day he died. Me and Candyce spent most of our lives competing for his love. I don't know why....It's not like we ever had to do that. He loved us equally and all for different reasons (aside from the fact that he had to because we were his kids).

One summer he bought us a horse. Sadie was her name. He lived in Walnut Park so it was clear he had nowhere to keep this horse so he kept it at a friends house. His friend lived in Attalla. Every weekend when it was his weekend to have us, he'd go get that horse and ride it all the way home. When we'd get there the horse would be soaking wet from the long ride, and tied to a pole. All for us. We would ride on the horse all weekend....... well, THEY would ride on the horse all weekend because I was terrifed of it. That's something that used to aggravate daddy. He had such a love for everything, and he wanted me to do the same, but I couldn't. I was scared of everything. I can still hear his voice "Taylor! Just do it! It's not gonna hurt you!"........

He never had a whole lot of money, and by the time child support came out of his check he was limited of what he could do. In fact, at one point, he worked three jobs just to survive: The City of Gadsden by day, Walmart (sporting goods) in the evening, and Sherry's Lounge through the night. Even though he was broke, he made every minute w/ us count. He wasn't lazy by any means. He worked all the time, and when he wasn't working he'd be playing. Whether it was w/ us or his friends. He always had to be doing something. When we'd go over to stay w/ him, we just wanted to sleep in. He'd wake us up every time w/ breakfast cooking and yelling "Let's get motivated!....We're gonna do something!" Of course at that time it was so aggravating, but now I'd give anything to go back to that.

In fact, since he's passed I am so guilt ridden over things like that. Even on his last days for a good while he always wanted to go. I didn't mind so much for the most part, but I can remember at one point just wishing we could stay home for one day. I had things that needed to be done. Clothes needed to be washed, the house needed to be clean, I wanted to just be lazy on occassions. I often think about that and it saddens me. Although I was drained (physically and emotionally), I should have fullfilled his every wish. He knew he didn't have long to live. Although, I knew it as well, I didn't want to believe it. My dad was invincible. He was the strongest person I had ever known. He wouldn't die. He'd beat this.

Little did I know what was in store for me. For any of us. You just can't accept something like that. No matter how prepared you think you are......you never really are. I knew I'd hurt when I lost him, but until I experienced it, I never knew the true pain I would feel.