Thanksgiving was always daddy's favorite holiday. I can remember years ago, when I was a child, going over to his house and him cooking up a storm on Thanksgiving. One year, his oven didn't work so he literally cooked our entire Thanksgiving dinner in the microwave. Everything except for the turkey, of course. It took him hours and hours to get it all done, but he did it. I can still see him standing there with his apron on, and a hand towel thrown over his shoulder. That must be where I got the love for an apron thing from. Still don't have the hand towel thing down, but maybe I'll try that this year.......
Once I got a little older, he kind of quit doing the whole Thanksgiving dinner thing. We'd go out to eat or something like that. It never seemed right. It was sort of depressing for him for some reason. I think it was because we were grown at that point.....I don't know. Anyway, once Chris and I married I decided we would start having it at our house every year. I can cook up a storm, too, but my turkey's always turned out pitiful. Daddy decided one year, several years back, that he wanted to start "frying" the turkey. He went and got the turkey fryer, peanut oil, etc.. We began doing that every year afterwards because it was such a hit. He then started really looking forward to Thanksgiving. Around this time every year he'd say, "We need to start getting our Thanksgiving grocery list together." I'd say okay, of course, but in my head I'd always think "It's not till the end of the month. We have plenty of time." He was just excited, though.
About a week before Thanksgiving, we would always go to the grocery store together. He would honestly be like a kid in a candy store. He'd see something and say "Taylor! Let's try to make this!" We'd go back to his house and unload the turkeys and I'd take the rest to my house. Every time we would get together after that, most of our conversations pertained to our dinner. Every year, on the day before Thanksgiving we'd spend almost our entire day together getting last minute things we had forgotten, and going to Nealco to get some gas for the tank we'd use to fry our turkey. Just the other day when I passed Nealco, I looked over and could see us pulling in. Bittersweet. It really doesn't seem like that long ago, and I can remember it as if it happened yesterday.
On Thanksgiving, he'd come over first thing, and I'd be in the kitchen cooking. He'd be running back and forth messing with the turkey or helping me. We would bust our tails cooking that dinner and it never failed........as soon as we'd all sit down to eat, he would fall asleep while he was eating. I guess all that anticipation from the month had officially worn him out. Haha. He would literally sit there for over an hour eating. He would doze off, wake back up, pop his plate in the microwave, and the cycle would start over. When it was time for him to go home, I'd fix him half of everything, and then send him home with the remainder of the deviled eggs because those seemed to be one of his favorites. I always enjoyed that because I never had to worry about what he had to eat. I knew he'd be taken care of for a few days.
God, how I loved that man. I truly believe that our bond exceeded most father and daughter relationships. No matter what, I always looked up to him. I feel blessed to have had that sort of relationship with him. There are a lot of people whose dad's don't even come around. Knowing what I know, it saddens me that people are robbed of something so precious.
My mother keeps asking for us to come visit her on Thanksgiving. I really want to because I feel like I need her. I have found that is one of the things that can make me feel more at ease.....is when she is around. But, I feel guilty. Guilty for breaking the every year tradition. I know he's no longer here, but it makes me sick to my stomach to think about not doing our usual in his honor. I hate feeling that way, but I can't help it. I should start spending my Thanksgivings with her since I still have her here. God only knows how devestated I would be if our time got cut short, as well. I love that woman just as I love my dad. The bond that I have shared with both my parents is, well......... priceless.
I had a dream about daddy the other night. First one I've had in a while. I can't even remember what the dream was about, but I remembered him being there. I woke up and felt homesick. For both my parents. I guess in my dream I felt comforted, and when I woke up, the feeling must have went away. It made me start thinking about how loved my parents are. Then I started thinking about Hayley. How much I love her, and then the thought entered my mind, "If Hayley loves me even half of what I do her or my parents, I will be set for the rest of my life."
Today, I am wearing my daddy's shirt. I woke Hayley up for school and one of the first things she asked me was "Why are you wearing Pawpaw's shirt?". I told her it made me feel closer to him. She said, "I am so ready to go to heaven, momma. That way I can see pawpaw anytime I want and he can take care of me." God bless her. It brought tears to my eyes. I've always worried about Hayley not remembering him, but I don't think I will ever have to worry about that. The relationship that she had with her pawpaw was also like none other. She honestly thought he hung the moon, just as I did. What a blessing.
For the month of November, I've been trying to give thanks for everything in my life, and on this blog I'd like to give thanks to my dad......
- I am thankful that God chose who he did to be my father. I can honestly say that I had the best.
- I am thankful for all those cooking lessons he gave me growing up because without those I am almost certain my husband wouldn't be too happy with me.
- I am thankful for the bond that we shared. He was my very best friend and my daddy. Doesn't get much better than that.
- I am thankful for all the times he got upset with me because now, I'd give anything to have that feeling again.
- I am thankful for the short, but precious time I had with my daddy because even though he died at such a young age, I still had more time with him than some get, and it has made me realize just how precious life is.
- I am thankful for the relationship that my father and my daughter shared. Because of that, she will never forget him......He will remain in her mind forever.
- I am thankful that my daddy is no longer suffering because Lord knows, he did his fair share for a good part of his life.
- I am thankful that each of us had our time with him while he was sick. We all have certain moments that stick out in our minds. The converstaions, the laughs..........and the tears.
- I am thankful that I was sitting beside him when he took his last breath, because even though that was the worst moment of my life, it was the most memorable, and I wouldn't take it back for anything in this world.
- I am thankful that I am sitting here typing this today, because without him, I thought I'd never make it.
- I am thankful that he continues to watch over us today because even though he's physically not here, sometimes I can honestly feel his presence, and it helps push me through.
- I am thankful for the good memories that play over in my head now. It wasn't too long ago when all I could think about was the bad ones.....him being sick, etc.. I always worried about that being the only thing that would stick out in my mind forever. Now, they are beginning to fade, or they are being overshadowed by the good times, and I'm so grateful.
- Finally, I am thankful that he showed me what being a parent is all about. Now, maybe I can give Hayley even half of what he gave me.
I am bawling. I love you.
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